Take this fire and use it wisely
by Whippet16
Summary: AU fic. Santana and Brittany come together in an unusual environment...  Summaries are not my forte  Rated M for later chapters.
1. She was fourteen

**A/N: **Hi! Basically I've scrapped my old fic because I got really sick about Bartie and all _that _angst. I'm going to do this one properly and write _ahead _this time so I don't get stuck after the first chapter! This will probably be quite dark in the beginning and I'm not introducing Brittany straight away (I know, I know I'm sorry! Maybe chapter two or three... I haven't decided yet)

:) Peace and love. :)

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><p><span><strong>Chapter one – She was fourteen.<strong>

When Javier Lopez laughed everyone who was in the same room as him would suddenly want to laugh with him. He was probably the happiest man you could ever meet. Probably the best too! At least that's what a young, fourteen year old Santana thought, and she was not wrong. He was pretty damn amazing; he saved lives _every day _and he really could not be more loving, caring and sweet. 'Just like a big old teddy bear' Bella Lopez, his wife, used to exclaim proudly as she watched her husband playing with their daughter. That's why the family was so happy. It was a wonderful sight.  
>That all brings us to where we are now. The happy family sitting in the living room of their grand house. Javier sitting in the middle of the sofa, one arm wrapped protectively around his wife, the other cradling his daughter as she curls drowsily into his side. It's the end of a long day and the Christmas holidays are <em>finally<em> here!  
>'San, honey I think you should go to bed now.' Bella whispered across to her daughter. Santana lifted her head and nodded smiling softly. Kissing her parents as she went, she trudged upstairs to her room. She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.<p>

When Santana entered the living room the next morning she collapsed. She said nothing. She didn't even shed a tear. Not because she didn't care, no, quite the opposite! It was because what she saw hurt her so much she couldn't do anything. The only thing she did do was deftly reach for a phone and dial 911.  
>'I really don't know what to say.' said a large man in a full body suit as he took a break from taking photographs.<br>'Me neither just... that poor kid.' replied another man. Tall, dark haired wearing a uniform.  
>The man in the body suit paused before looking back at the two bodies lying on the floor.<p>

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><p>Santana Lopez was deemed a risk to herself at the age of fifteen. She was sent into a clinic for 'troubled teens'. She was to stay there for a year, maybe two, three, four or even five. It all depended on how she handled herself whilst she was there. It was a bit like rehab she thought as she was driven into the hills of … well she didn't know where they were (she was never good at geography).<br>She wasn't crazy ok? She wasn't depressed and didn't have any particular 'psycho' issues. She just liked being on her own and not really … _communicating_. She just wanted peace. She didn't need other people, just herself and her parents. Yes, they were dead but that didn't mean that they weren't with her. She only hoped that this clinic thing could be a place where she could have a secluded area. No interference just... nothing.

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><p>So that's chapter one! Hope you enjoyed, please review :) the story will make more sense soon I hope! It will also get better... and please say whether that's a good chapter length. Longershorter/the same? :P thanks.


	2. An Understanding

**A/N: So this chapter is sort of introducing where they are etc. Also, I forgot I'm going away tomorrow and I might not get any internet signal (which SUCKS because I live in the UK so I wont be able to watch glee :( ) anyway that's why I'm updating so quickly. I'll be sure to wright loads while I'm away though :) **

**Chapter two – an understanding**

'It's been one week and she hasn't come out yet?' asked a small trainee nurse.  
>'No she is still in her room. It's not a particularly unusual occurrence. I think you'll find that allot of the patients like to cut themselves off from reality when they first arrive here. It's either that or they are violent, constantly lashing out at anything they can. I know it's hard for you to understand, Alice, it's hard for me as well. We have very little concept of what each individual is feeling. When you have been here as long I have it becomes less difficult, but it's never easy to help and understand. That's all we can give them; the fact that we are willing to help and understand if they ask, if they let us. Although it's never easy.' The old woman, Felicia, smiled at the younger nurse and moved in the direction of one of the rooms down the hall.<p>

Alice moved slowly to the door of Santana's room, she placed her hand over the doorknob, she gripped it but never turned it. She wanted so badly to just go in and ask the girl to tell her everything. To tell her what was happening inside her. To tell her just how badly she was hurting, how many times she cried, whether she ever wanted to hurt herself, whether she blamed herself, what her thoughts were when she saw...

She stopped herself. It was silly, pointless and would probably be a little too over-whelming for Santana if she ever did get a chance like that. A chance to delve into her complex mind...

There she goes again! Alice ripped her hand from the door handle, straightened her jacket and walked away down the hall.

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><p>'Santana can I come in?' Felicia called through the door.<p>

Santana took a deep breath and rolled over. 'yep' she replied quickly trying to mask how tired she really was.

'We want you to join us in the dining room today. Do you think you could do that for me? I think it's time for you to see someone other than me. It has been two weeks.' she said with a sympathetic smile.

Santana clenched her jaw but nodded slowly. Felicia had been there for her after her parents passed away. She had been the one to hold her while she cried and tell her that it was ok to cry, ok to be scared, that it wasn't her fault, although she was thankful when Santana had lifted her head slowly and looked up at her with those big brown eyes and proclaimed that she agreed; it wasn't her fault. She did, however, feel incredibly weak and useless. Vulnerable. Santana still felt those things.

'ok well get ready, I'll wait outside'

'no, it's fine I can go by myse-' she was cut off by Felicia.

'Santana, please.' she sighed.

'sorry.' Santana grinned slightly.

Alice smiled as she watched Santana and Felicia walk in. They were one step closer.

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><p><em>Why did I agree to this?<em> Santana thought to her self as she sat down on one of the chairs situated around the room. There were about ten maybe fifteen people in the room. Some looked in a worse state than her whilst others seemed positively excited to be here! She briefly scanned her eyes over a few people and the man at the front of the class. She squinted closely at the name badge and saw it said 'Robert'. Then she noticed the young looking lady behind him, her hair in a messy bun and glasses. She looked in her early twenties. She was really rather beautiful. Santana squinted at her badge too, she could vaguely make it out. It said 'Annie' or 'Alice' or 'Alise' or 'Aliae' or... she couldn't quite see it clearly enough basically.

'Hi everyone!' Said Robert. He was old and had a rather large stomach and a grey beard that went down just below his chin. He had a broad smile that stretched across his wrinkled face. She almost wanted to go up and give him a bear hug. Almost. 'My name's Robert.' He said happily. 'Now I know some of you have been in this group for a while but we have a few new faces amongst us today. Jaimie, Freddie, Elliot, Santana and Ben.' Santana braced herself for the whole _why don't you introduce yourself_ crap that she was frankly to nervous to go through 'Right, now we have work to do and you can all introduce yourselves as we go along' Santana let out a small sigh of relief. She wasn't alone as she heard the same thing from a few other people in the room.

They did team building activities and games. It was all quite a lot of fun and she made a few friends. Especially Jaimie. She was funny and she was the one Santana had mainly talked to.

But Santana cried that night, the way she cried the first few nights she was here. She cried because those were a lot of feelings she wasn't ready for. A lot of feelings she hadn't felt in a long time and she didn't quite know how to deal with them any more. It shocked her in the same way as someone punching you in the stomach and all the wind gets knocked out of you. She cried alone into her pillow, grasping tightly at the sheets.

On the third night of 'activities' Santana still hadn't stopped crying although the tears weren't so bad any more, but on this third night there was a soft knock at her door. She didn't answer because Felicia always says it's her. Felicia _always _says when it's her. Felicia does it because she knows Santana. Knows how scared she is. But it's not Felicia, and she didn't lock the door that night, so the door opens slowly and Santana's eyes go very wide and suddenly the tears aren't subsiding any more: They're flowing out at full speed as her heart rate doubles. Then there's a lot of blonde hair and strong arms wrapping around her and whispering into her hair, telling her that it's ok to cry, that it was ok to be scared. Santana almost thought it _was_ Felicia but the arms were too slim, too smooth. The hair was too blonde and the voice was too young. Santana wanted to scream and push this stranger off her but there was something comforting about them.

Just before she fell asleep she heard a different sentence whispered.

'I heard you cry... every time.' pause 'You needed... me.'

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><p>Thanks for reading! Please R&amp;R hopefully I'll get signal, if not Back on friday! also thanks if you favouritedalerted this story :)


	3. Be seeing you

**A/N: **Thanks to all those who favourited and alerted this story AND thanks for the review ^-^ yippee :D I'm really, really sorry that I forgot to mention that this stiry will _probably_ contain self harm and definitely will contain mental illness, I don't know whether these are triggers for some people but I thought I should warn you. (It is kind of a mental clinic for traumatised teens) Also this chapter is a bit longer. I'm gradually working up to 2,000 words. This is about 1,500.

Chapter three – Be seeing you

Santana woke the next morning to the sound of old bluesy music coming from down the hall, echoing all around as if far away but in a large space, it sounded like the Gramophone her father adamantly refused to throw out. She got up slowly, feeling unusually light and … _fluffy_ almost as if she were a cloud. That's right not _sitting on _a cloud she _was _a cloud. She looked down and saw that she was in nothing but a white nightgown and frowned. _Why would I wear a nightgown?_ Then she noticed how bright everything was … just really light and everything was hard to see, but at the same time everything was terrifyingly clear. Not just the room but her thoughts were .. clear and made … _sense? _Then why couldn't she see her thoughts? She had so much clarity about all her thoughts and yet she could not access them.

She opened her door and was greeted by the same sound from earlier only slightly louder. The walls were all white and the light was here too, as if breaking through the ceiling and shining down, invading her sight. That's when She noticed the song change.

_'one night to be confused, one night to speed up truth, we had a promise paid, four hands and then away'_

The sound echoed louder through the halls and Santana padded through towards the sound, it was a song her mother had often sung when she was a child while her father played the guitar. She had always loved it.

_'Both under influence, we had divine sense, to know what to say, mind is a razor blade'_

The sound now sounded more acoustic and less like a Gramophone was playing it, she grinned and started to run quickly towards it.

_'to call for hands of above, to lean on, wouldn't be good enough, for me no.' _

Santana burst through the door at the end to see her parents look up from where they were sitting, as she suspected, they were in the same position they used to be when they sung to her; Javier, her father, sitting on a stool to the right of her mother playing the guitar whilst her Bella, her mother, stood, singing out.

They both looked up and smiled at her. Bella held out her hand for Santana. A silent invitation for her to join them and sing. Santana slowly walked towards them. Her mother tilted her head slightly and-

There was a loud bang. A very fucking loud bang. A bullet straight through her mother and her. Her mother still held her hand. Still smiling with her head tilted slightly to the side. Bella dropped suddenly to the ground as did her father. The minute they did Santana was left grasping uselessly at the ground while her breath failed her. She choked and spluttered staring into the emotionless faces of her two parents, pleading them to wake up, to help her. Neither moved, instead she rose to her feet unsteadily and started to step backwards hazardously. Stumbling, her back she hit the door she had come through so she turned around to enter back through only to fall down. Plummeting down fast into something she couldn't see. She tried to scream but only ended up emptying some sort of maroon liquid. It was too much. Her eyes rolled back and she stopped fighting. She just stopped.

'Santana? Come on we need to go for breakfast. We're starting a few lessons today remember? Don't wanna be late.'

Santana rolled over and rubbed her tired eyes. 'Where...?' She managed to breath out lightly.

'Breakfast. Let's get going, you know Felicia will be upset if you don't come.' It was nice for her to have Jaimie, they had grown close over the past two weeks and it was good to have someone looking out for her who was her own age and didn't have so many responsibilities like Felicia did.

She was getting quite used to this place although it was still hard to deal with everything. For instance, she was having more therapy than she was before and it was taking a toll on her mental health and emotions.

She followed Jaimie into the dining hall for breakfast.

Brittany watched Santana walk into the dining room behind another red haired girl. She remembered the night a week or so ago when she had heard Santana crying again and come bursting into her room. She hadn't seen her before that night but she had always been the one to comfort her siblings. And she needed to do this for someone else. She had spent so long filled with regret and despair that she needed to help. After Santana had gone to sleep she was suddenly hit by a lot of feelings. Brittany wasn't much of a feelings person any more. She didn't like to let them in because she never wanted to feel what she had felt all those years ago. _I know right! What a cliché ! Stuck in a damn mental home and I 'don't want to let feelings in' seems like such a typical thing. _So she left the room after making sure Santana was fast asleep. She did it almost every night after that when she heard her cry until she just stopped crying. Brittany thinks that Santana either forgot or thought that she was dreaming when Brittany came in. She didn't mind though, whatever it was she was sure she would meet Santana properly soon enough.

'Hi Santana, my name is Alice. How have you been recently?' asked a young woman. The same woman, Santana realised, that had been in her first team building session. This woman, Alice, wasn't her usual therapist. It was usually Robert. Santana didn't want a different therapist, she liked Robert. She was scared of Alice; Santana didn't like new people any more. Alice continued 'Hey, it's ok. I know I'm not Robert but he couldn't make it today and we wouldn't usually schedule one without your ordinary therapist but you haven't been to the last few appointments. I think you missed-' she looked down at a file '- the three that were scheduled this week, so we wanted to have this one because, as you know, they work better if they're regular.' she smiled softly at Santana.

Santana looked down at her lap, not meeting the woman's gaze. There was silence for a few minutes until Alice broke it gently. 'Do you want to tell me... why you haven't attended the sessions?' she said slowly and cautiously. She had only recently finished her training to work at this clinic and she didn't want to upset Santana.

Santana raised her head and looked through slightly glassy eyes. 'I stopped crying.' she answered.

Alice cocked her head to the side 'Why did you stop crying?' she queried.

'Somebody came to me.' Santana replied.

'who came to you?'

'A girl' Santana knew the girl wasn't just in her dreams because Santana didn't dream things she didn't know. In fact she didn't dream. Or at least she never remembered her dreams.

Chose not to remember.

'What did she do?'

'Stopped me crying.'

Alice nodded. Santana knew what Alice was asking but she wasn't going to tell her just yet. Alice didn't need to push Santana.

'Why did you cry?'

'I don't cry any more.' Alice nodded

Santana cried again that night.

She gasped and struggled against the tears. Again.

Then she came in. The blonde hair, the strong arms, the soft whispers.

This time Santana turned around and looked at the girl, her tears slowed to a stop.

'Who are you?' She choked.

'I- I'm Brittany. I live here, like you do.' Came her shy reply

'Why do you come in?' Santana said, not angrily, not confused, just curious.

'Because I heard you crying.' Brittany answered like it was obvious

'But you don't know me.' She said blankly.

'Well, I think that maybe we should know each other now. Maybe. If you want.'

Santana, for all she had going on inside her, deep down inside her, managed a smile. A genuine smile fro the first time that week.

**A/N: ok I didn't really like how that chapter ended to be honest, it's a bit … :s but the next chapter will be better. Probably longer but not by too much. It's gonna be a good'n! Oh and that's Brittany introduced ;P not really, you will learn more next chapter! … Or the one after that, I don't know … Or maybe I do know and I'm not telling you! :O **

**Anyway, first semi-filler chapter done.**


	4. Record Breaking

**A/N: Update! :) a lot of you have alerted and favourited the story but haven't reviewed (but I have got my review buddy MLE) please, please review! It would mean a lot. **

**Onto the fic. **

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><p><span>Chapter Four – Record Breaking<span>

Santana woke up feeling a bit better about herself. She thought about the night before and smiled.

_'So, since we are going to be friends, you should probably tell me who you are.' Santana said boldly. **Bold **she was actually being bold about something for the first time since..._

_'My name Is Brittany Pierce. I'm fifteen, but I'll be sixteen on November the sixth. So that's...' She paused and looked up and to the right as if trying to work something out. It was cute Santana mused. 'well it's February now so nine months until I'm sixteen! I don't like chocolate very much, I love dancing and playing the Viola. I feel safe when I have people I trust and when I'm lost in what I'm doing when it's something like dance.' She grinned. 'I've been here for nearly three years and I've kind of built my life here. When I leave-' **If you leave** she thought '-I want to be a dancer. You know, touring and stuff' **never staying in the same place. '**meeting new people' **leaving others behind. You're too scared to keep them. '**A fresh start from being cooped up here for so long!' **You will never let anyone know you. '**It'll definitely be something to look forwards to' **You need to get away, run away, leave NOW! You're in too deep, you can't get out-** 'Anyway it's your turn to tell me about yourself.' she smiled charmingly._

_'Well I'm Santana Lopez, I'm fifteen too and I'm sixteen on October the twenty first. Eight months away. I Love chocolate! I love to sing and I guess I can sort of dance. I like literature; books. I'm not good with new people and... I haven't really found a **safe place** to be honest. I'm working on it though.'_

_'Cool.' They sat awkwardly for a few seconds until one of them started to giggle. That soon set the other one off too. They giggled for a few minutes, just revelling in how ridiculous and foreign the situation was to both of them. Their issues were both so controlling and adult; too much experience, torment, maturity, sadness and depression had been forced onto these two children that they had forgotten how to **be **children any more. It was unnatural but nice for them to feel young and remember what making a friend is like. _

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><p>Sitting in the dining hall with Jaimie and Brittany at either side of her was nice. Brittany had introduced Santana and Jaimie to a few of her friends and they had all ended up sitting together. Santana was enjoying talking to people surprisingly enough. It was almost enough to lightly mask the crap filling up her mind all the time. She liked the distraction of it all and how light it all was considering where they were. She suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to know exactly why everyone was here. What had happened to them to mean that they had to be here. She wanted to investigate so she started with Jaimie.<p>

She broached the subject one day when they were leaving music therapy. Therapy _again_. She and Jaimie had laughed at first saying 'Don't they only do music therapy with people in prison?' Yeah they did laugh about that. At first.

'Hey Jay?' Santana said cautiously.

'Yeah?' Came the laid back reply.

'Why are you, um, y'know, here?' She said slowly. Even though they did group work and encouraged honesty and openness within the clinic, they hadn't actually discussed why people were there. Not even in their individual groups.

Jaimie looked at her with narrowed eyes. 'Why do you want to know?'

'Oh, you don't have to tell me! I was just kind of curious.' Santana frowned feeling a bit guilty, it might be a touchy subject.

'I was anorexic. My dad wasn't very... _supportive._' the way she said _supportive_ made Santana slightly uneasy. 'It just got a bit out of hand. So I was brought here. No biggy.' She finished with a shrug.

'Oh.' Santana said. She wanted to ask more questions about her dad and about what exactly got out of hand and why she was anorexic and was she still anorexic? She left it alone though; Jaimie was already talking about something else.

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><p>Another month passed and Santana was becoming very good friends with Brittany as well as Jaimie. Jaimie was like her sister, they liked to joke around and be bitchy to each other. There were also times when they would talk about the serious issues; the reasons why they were there. It was slow but Santana was uncovering certain things like the way Jaimie's dad started beating after he found out she was anorexic. Her parents had split by then and he found it hard to deal with having a child. The anorexia was just one thing too many. One day her body collapsed and emergency services were called in. They brought her here. So yes, Santana knew the outline of what happened. She was pleased that somebody trusted her enough to open up. Maybe it wasn't everything but it was a start. It was also helping her gain confidence!<p>

She talked to Brittany too. They talked a lot about feelings and Brittany always liked to listen to Santana. They would talk about where emotions came from ad what they were a result of. She even told Brittany about her parents. How they used to be. It was nice. That wasn't all they talked about, obviously, they talked about interests and would always be laughing at some kind of joke.

The one thing though, was whenever she asked why Brittany was there, Brittany would just smile, shake her head and talk about something else. It bothered Santana to say the least. She did tell Brittany almost everything. Almost.

'OK guys. How are we today?' There was a grumble of OKs, fines and goods. Some notably more enthusiastic than others. 'Right well today we're going to start another lesson that, of course, would be included in your normal curriculum. Dance.' There was a collective groan from the majority of kids there. 'Now, now come on guys! It will be fun. We're joining up with another group who have been doing it longer than you to ease you into it.'

They were lead down the corridor and out into another building where some music was being played.

'Well this is going to be an absolute _joy._' Joked Jaimie. 'I can't wait to make a fool of myself in front of people who aren't even in our group!' She continued with a big sarcastic smile.

'Yeah it's gonna be the _best! _Wait till' you see my pirouette. I am literally _the_ most epic dancer ever to grace this planet.' Santana grinned whilst Jaimie rolled her eyes playfully.

When they entered the room Santana did a quick scan of who was there. She saw some of Brittany's friends and was pleasantly surprised to see Brittany herself stretching in a corner with a few others talking and laughing.

'Hey look there's Britt!' exclaimed Jaimie.

'Yeah I saw,' Santana smiled 'I've never actually seen her dance before.'

'Me neither. It's funny 'cus she talks about it a lot.' Jaimie said grinning 'Well I guess now we'll know! And then we can go embarrass ourselves after she blows us away.' They both grinned at each other and highfived playfully.

'Hello everybody!' Said a short, young Indian woman. She was rather beautiful Santana mused to herself. 'I'm Jo and I'll be introducing you to the dance here. We've put together a little routine to sow you what we can do. Take it away guys.' She finished moving to the side and turning on a CD player at the back. Just before the lights went out Brittany turned around and smiled at Santana and Jaimie and waved happily.

Everything went dark and a soft beat sounded through the room and a small light shone down to the middle where to people were moving against a mirror perfectly in-synch with each other. Another spotlight and Brittany and a tall black man came onto the moved together to the front of the stage. He picked her up and twisted her over his body until she touched the ground and slid out of his arms. She skipped a few steps to the left then turned and cartwheeled off stage. She came back a few minutes later from the other side running on making elaborate arm and hand gestures. She dropped suddenly to the floor and the others jogged round to form a perfect circle around her. They stood seemingly still for a few moments until she appeared again, held high by the other three. They spun her and dipped her and then they were off into pairs again. Brittany being spun around by her partner above his head. The others moving against the mirrors. There were a few more beats and then they all came to the front of the stage, looked at each other and did one back-flip together before running off stage.

The lights came up and Santana released a breath. 'wow' she said slowly.

'Yeah, that was amazing!' Jaimie continued after her, grinning and clapping madly.

'OK well that was our little introductory performance. I want you all to get into pairs and we are going to try to learn a much simpler routine.' Jo said when she finished clapping. 'Now get going we're running late.'

'Yay.' Santana and Jaimie said sarcastically and in unison

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><p>'How have you been this week Santana?' Robert asked.<p>

'I've been ok I guess.' Santana didn't really want to go to this session. She didn't like therapy anyway but she did want to speak to Brittany about her dance.

'I wanted to talk about your parents this week.' He said calmly.

Santana's brow furrowed and she looked down. A few immediate memories clouded her mind. She shook her head; she didn't need to remember.

'Yes, Santana. We need to do this.' He paused when she made no move to comply to what he was saying. 'Can you tell me something about them?' She still had no reaction. He sighed and put his clipboard and pen down and leaned back in his chair. 'Santana, it's only me. No-one else will here what you tell me. We have as long as you need.'

Santana raised her head cautiously.

'My mum was beautiful and loveable. My father was the happiest, nicest man I knew.' She said sadly.

'They must have been lovely to live with.'

'They would always say goodnight to me. I couldn't sleep unless they said goodnight to me.'

'That's nice. What were their jobs?'

Santana gave him an odd look. 'You know what their jobs were.' She stated.

'Tell me again.' He persisted.

Santana let out a sigh and rolled her eyes slightly. 'My father – doctor. My mother didn't work.'

He nodded. 'Do you remember the night?' Robert said slowly and carefully.

'No.'

'ok.'

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><p>'Hey, Britt!' Santana called.<p>

Brittany turned aroud slowly and smiled when she saw santana. 'Hey San.' The younger girl replied. OK younger by a month.

'Your dance was amazing.' Santana breathed in awe.

Brittany turned her head slightly away from Santana, a tiny blush creeping up her. 'Thanks.' She replied timidly.

'No problem, maybe you could teach me some time. Jay and I are not the most elegant of people.' Santana laughed.

'Maybe I will some time.' Brittany said thoughtfully.

'Cool! It must have been great when you were younger, teaching your family to dance and stuff. If you did that.' Santana pondered secretly trying to get some information on what Brittany's home life was like. All Santana knew was that her family was lovely and they always encouraged her to be the best at what she could do. They always loved her.

Brittany looked at her for a few moments 'yeah' she said vaguely before rushing off to one of her classes with a quick 'bye San'

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><p><strong>AN: **WOO! 2029 words :D

and so many strikethrough lines! :/


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